The Man in the Ant Hill!
This opens with Henry Pym looking like he’s standing over me with murderous intent and the words “Living nightmares can begin in many ways!” I’m already feeling attacked and have a little bit of anxiety in just the first panel. So far, not so great. We then see that Henry Pym has shrunken a chair “to doll size,” which he then applies a few drops of his growth potion, and it returns to its original size. There is no explanation as to how the chair knows how small or big to get, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the amount that is used. Maybe there will be an explanation in the future.
Henry then has a flashback, remembering how his colleagues all laughed at him. One man even states, “You’re always wasting our time with your ridiculous theories.” I think it’s safe to say that he is not renowned in the science community as being a great scientist. I’m sure this will be the case for the rest of his comic book life. He then says that when he finishes his latest invention, he’ll show them, and they will all know he’s such a Chad scientist, and they’re all virgin scientists.
He then spends months alone, working on his project and talking about all the applications of it that will help mankind. He spends a laborious amount of time talking about how he’s going to help the world with his wonderful invention. I can’t wait to see how he uses it to positively impact the lives of so many people by sharing it with the world!
We’re back now to him just finalizing his test on the chair, and he decides to use himself as a test subject. He shrinks down to size much faster than he had anticipated and is terrified of the results. He does what any person would do in this horrific situation: he runs out of his house. It’s here that he realizes he left the antidote on the window. The guy just watched what would happen when he shrunk something but didn’t think of putting the antidote on the floor. Although it wouldn’t have mattered, I guess, since he literally just jumps out of the house.
He then points out how nobody would be able to hear him speaking, because his voice is small and weak. I’m also sure this will be the case for the rest of his comic book life. As he cries out, however, we see that some ants hear him. He realizes the ants are coming to attack him, so he thinks of one of the best ideas I’ve read so far: he jumps into their ant hill. I’m going to throw this out there for anyone who needs to hear it… if you want to escape any creature, be it ant or bear or lion or human, don’t run to their house. Henry eventually plummets down the tunnels and into a giant vat of honey that the ants are storing as food. How fortuitous!
An ant sees him flailing about in the honey and helps him get out, because he’s made some bad decisions in his life up to this point and sees this as a way to redeem himself in the eyes of Ant God. But the rest of the horde decides to murder him anyway. Henry then spies a matchstick in the corner. He throws a rock at it, which ignites the match and freaks the fuck outta the ants. He then creates a makeshift lasso to climb partially out of the hole he’s in. Doubly fortuitous! Unfortunately, an ant awaits him atop the cliff. It clasps its mighty pincers around him, where he proclaims, “uhhh — strong — too strong for me!” It’s a shame he doesn’t have his normal-sized strength in his tiny body, otherwise that ant would be no match for him. Luckily, he does know Judo, so he quickly dispatches of the ant anyway.
He makes his way back home but doesn’t know how he’ll ever reach his window ledge. A makeshift lasso would come in handy right about now. But! He doesn’t need one, because Mr. Friendly Ant has returned and understands exactly what Pym wants! Henry rides that ant right up the wall, where he then douses himself with growth serum and returns to normal! Now that he knows that his serum is a success, he’s ready to finally make good on his promises of showing those scientists how brilliant he is and making the world a better place!
But instead of doing any of that, he just pours the shit right down the drain. Fuck the world!
Lastly, I leave you with you with the nightmarish face of Henry Pym:
